Learn the secrets of a happy marriage. By working smarting, not harder, women can achieve a deeper understanding of their husbands and reap the rewards.

What do happily married women know that the rest of us don’t? According to author and clinical assistant professor of psychiatry and human biology, Dr. Scott Haltzman, the answer is simple: they know their husbands.

Summary:

The premise of this book assumes that the way for wives to best relate to their husbands is by understanding how they operate. Haltzman and co-author Theresa Foy DiGeronimo conclude that there are seven key features that compile a man’s way of viewing the world and that once a woman understands these “secrets” she can vastly improve the happiness quotient of her marriage.

Real Life Examples of Married Couples

By using real-life examples of actual couples that Dr. Haltzman has counseled, the reader gets a first-hand view of some common issues that cause marital strife. Through these examples, the reader is able to draw parallels between the case studies, and their own marriages.

This book does a good job of attributing a mix of biological and behavioral causes to the actions of husbands. For instance, while the authors heavily emphasize the vast neurological and hormonal differences between men and women, they also explain the advantages of these differences and how they can be used to build a stronger marriage.

The Importance of Communication Style

Once a wife is able to see the driving force behind her husband’s actions, whether it is his desire to provide for his family, his need to be cared for, his trouble verbalizing feelings or his inherent need to be right, she can adjust her communication style accordingly and get what she needs from him.

For example, if a wife knows her husband is only able to see things in terms of problems and solutions, and she needs him to take out the trash, the most effective way for her to achieve her goal is to be direct and ask him to take out the trash. When she drops hints, hoping he will guess what she wants, she is setting herself up for frustration. By being upfront and working with her husband’s motivation, instead of trying to “fix” him and change his natural tendencies, she is saving herself extra work and getting her desires met.

Recommendations:

For a book of the self-help genre, this was a surprisingly informative and enjoyable read. It’s written in an easily accessible style and is educationally sound without being condescending or insulting to women. The advice is not cookie-cutter, though it is easy to understand and apply. Women in all stages of relationships can benefit from learning how to identify what motivates the men in their lives and using this driving force as a catalyst for change.

For more information and helpful pointers from happily married women, visit Dr. Haltzman’s website.

Book Stats

The Secrets of Happily Married Women: How to Get More Out of Your Relationship by Doing Less By Scott Haltzman, M.D. and Theresa Foy DiGeronimo.

Hardcopy, 224 pages.

Jossey-Bass, 2008.

ISBN 0787996122.