Much of it may seem like common sense, but there is helpful advice about common courtesies worth repeating. He taught courses on public speaking, self-improvement and business relations to professionals.
Dale Carnegie’s research eventually led him to write How To Win Friends And Influence People (Simon & Schuster, 14th edition, 1964, ISBN: 0671355007), which became so popular it remains a best seller to this day. He refers to it as a “practical, working handbook on human relations”. It's one of the first and best self-help books ever written.
Correcting, Condemning and Criticizing
If done too harshly or to the wrong person, the resulting consequence could be quite severe. Carnegie encourages people to praise others instead of finding fault whenever possible to avoid hard feelings. If the point of the correction is to improve things, it often backfires because people may go into defense mode and get their backs up. This is especially true if someone’s criticized in public. Time could often be better spent concentrating on improving one’s self. Dale Carnegie warns not to use insincere flattery. In other words, don’t just make up fake compliments.
The Big Secret Of Dealing With People
Some of these “secrets” could be considered manipulative in something like sales, but they could also improve marriages. One of the most important bits of advice in How To Win Friends And Influence People is to think in terms of another’s point of view. This promotes tolerance, makes the other person feel important; and may even avoid an argument.
This ties in with the chapter Ways To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking, because the first suggestion is to avoid an argument. Often nobody wins and they could even become more convinced that they’re right. When respect is shown for another’s opinion, more headway is made because no one’s pride is hurt.
How to Change People
This section of How To Win Friends And Influence People could also have been called how to be tactful. It talks about how to:
- Give a person a reputation to live up to.
- Let the other person save his or her face.
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. (Ask for an individual’s opinion for example.)
- Before attempting to criticize anyone else, a person could talk about his or her own mistakes.
- Encourage, praise and give hope rather than telling someone how they’re doing everything wrong.
- Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Marriage Advice
There is also good advice for marriages at the end, although some of it may seem a little outdated. The timeless gist of the message is to be courteous, show appreciation whenever possible and avoid criticizing.
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